The Pee Stick-Up

Wooster, OH- A local drug store was robbed of over 300 dollars worth of home pregnancy tests.  Two women came running into the store yelling unintelligible words and letters, witnesses shared.  They absconded with most all of the available home pregnancy tests in the family planning aisle just after making a quick dash for dixie cups.

The typical morning crowd of shoppers picking up their blood pressure medicines and anti-inflammatory prescriptions were alarmed when these women, appearing to be in their thirties, upset their normal routine.  Irene, an elderly woman picking up her monthly supply of Miralax, joked that she isn’t going to need her dose today.  They young ladies were aggressively tossing box upon box of pregnancy test into a stylish 31 bag.  One witness shared that he couldn’t make most of what they were saying but that he was sure he heard the one woman say something about hurrying because they would miss the S. M. U.   Authorities are investigating what S. M. U. might be, but they suspect it could be a form of transportation.

Detectives were examining the crime scene most of the morning and were surprised to discover that while the thieves took enough pregnancy tests to test daily for several months, they left a few brands completely untouched.  Authorities cannot understand why the remaining tests were left, but another onlooker reported hearing the women complaining about the blue dye and some rap star that goes by the name of E. Vap.

Upon exiting the store security cameras were able to catch a shot of one of the women.  If you have any information that can help police identify these clearly deranged criminals, please comment below and they will be in touch.

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Sperm are (potential) People Too

Technology has become so advanced that we can now look at individual sperm up close and personal!  We are learning so much now that we can get so close to these future humans!  I bet you never knew that with the right microscope we can actually tell what kind of person will be created from an individual sperm.  These are some of the ones that have been identified thus far.

Future Cat Person

Future Cat Person

Future Blogger

Future Blogger

Future Vegan

Future Vegan

Future Athlete

Future Athlete

Future Stripper

Future Stripper

Future Stoner

Future Stoner

Future Fabulous Person

Future Fabulous Person

Future Nudist

Future Nudist

As others are identified, I will be sure to pass them along.  They are also doing some research to determine if diet, exercise, and other lifestyle factors impact the quantity of each type of sperm.  The most recent study is suggesting that if a man willingly looks at window treatments, uses more than one hair styling product, and calls shoes fabulous, the most prominent sperm type will be wearing a rainbow shirt.  More substantial research is still required though.

What kind of sperm is your husband throwing?  Is it not pictured here?  Please let me know so it can be added!