An Ode to That Girl

In one little circle of ladies who were TTC
Comes a girl who is days and days late without a BFP.
She tests and she tests but can’t get a line
Despite being sure of her cycle this time.
The suspense finally kills her and she calls the doc
Who immediately tells her she is pregnant!  A shock!

She comes back to her circle and shares the good news.
Each lady then tells her pals- all 102!
The story spreads like wild fire across every website,
Giving those ladies a little bright light.
Then, without fail, all those women dare hope,
That despite feeling crampy and digi saying nope,
That they are with child and it is their pee that is broke.

In their right hand they stare at That Girl’s post
They just know that their pregnancy just needs diagnosed.
They look up the number and ring their OBGYN
With a gleaming white BFN in their hand.
The lady on the other end of the line
Laughs and says “Better luck next time!”

She types up a vent to her buddy group
And stops a proofread to take a quick poop.
She wipes in a hurry to write one more sentence
But then realizes Aunt Flo has showed up with a vengeance.
Her pee works just fine as it does for 99.99 percent.
She’s off to buy a bottle of wine and lament.
So when you find yourself clinging to hope
After 12 BFNs and you are starting to mope,
Go ahead and grab your tissues and your favorite brew,
Because “That Girl” is not going to be you.

Advertisements

Please Be Infertile: Part One

Do you remember the days when you took every precaution to ensure that you didn’t become pregnant?  You probably, though perfectly educated about how babies were made, wouldn’t dream of standing downwind from a guy who may have ejaculated in the last 3 hours because, though they never flew into anyone else’s vagina, they might just fly into yours and get you pregnant.  If we dared engage in intercourse, it was only done with a minimum of 2 levels of birth control.  Hormonal birth control pills alone was like playing Russian Roulette with parenthood in the the chamber.  If only we knew how hard it was actually going to be to get pregnant.

AM I PREGNANT????? PLEASE ANSWER MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?

am 17. i dryhumped today with my lover. with clothes on. i was wearing tight thick jeans and he was wearing basketball shorts. we did it for like an hour and 45 minutes. both virgins. he was horny.we dryhumped really fastly and we had a good time. he wasn’t wearing underwear, but had shorts on. then he started to finger me like outside of my underwear for like 1 minute. i stopped him. then at last, he unzipped my pants little bit and then he put is bear penis on top of my underwear. he didn’t put it inside because i had my panties and m jeans was little lower, not all the way up to. we kinda rubbed for like 2 minutes and stopped. he was wet too, not a lot. he had *****.
we had clothes on.
 
Okay lets discuss this. 

  • She was wearing tight thick jeans.  Call me stupid, but I didn’t know jeans came in thicknesses.  Is it like toilet tissue?  “I had my 3 ply jeans on today!” 
  • Nearly 2 hours of dry humping?  I hope they took hydration breaks and maybe swung through a taco bell drive through!  Geeze!
  • She felt it necessary to point out that he was horny.  Really?  Hmmm… go on.
  • Fastly?  They did it fastly and it felt goodly.
  • Holy shit!  A bear penis!  She said it was her and her lover, but I just assumed he was human! 

Now, I don’t know this girl.  She may end up being the next Michelle Duggar (though I highly doubt that her and Jim Bob dry hump… ever) but I do hope she ends up having to try for a while before she can procreate.
 Image