The Shitty Gender Issue

Who doesn’t love a dramatic gender reveal?  Oh, I know the answer to this question!  Most everyone.  Of course, the parents kinda care and maybe grandparents kinda care but the “woo” factor lasts about 37 seconds.  The extended family has the “woo” factor for about 20 seconds.  The rest of the world has it for about as long as it takes to type “Congrats!!” on Facebook.  Then the world goes back to business as usual not giving a shit about the gender of your baby.

Maybe if a parent has a string of one gender, there might be a little more suspense in the gender reveal but let’s be honest.  While most normal people would want you to finally get your chance at parenting the opposite gender, I just want you to be happy you have a effing baby growing in your uterus.  For that reason, I secretly stalk Facebook wishing and hoping for another of the same gender.  Because, you are effing pregnant.

The only think that I loath more than a dramatic gender reveal is the people who find out the gender and then hold it over the heads of the few people that do give a shit.  The people that don’t give a shit just get further annoyed that you think people do give a shit.  They don’t.  Nobody gives a shit.

So are you having a boy?  Congrats!!  I don’t give a shit.
A girl?  Congrats!!  I don’t give a shit.

If there was a gender reveal where the cupcake was filled with shit?  I’d watch that!  That would be funny shit.  Or pop a balloon and shit falls out?!  Oh my goodness!  More funny shit!  That would be a gender reveal party I could give a shit about attending.  If you think people beyond your parents, children, and husband really care about if your baby has a penis or a vagina, you are full of shit.

That is all, Folks.