Liar Liar

Most people who are dealing with infertility find endless comfort and support from the Infertility and Miscarriage support community.  We have been there.  We know the pain, the anxiety, the frustrations that encompass trying to conceive when it isn’t as simple as it appears to be for every other female creature in the world.  But… isn’t there always a but…

Please consider this a public service announcement…  There be some crazy bitchez out there. 

I don’t mean they are a little weird and freak out if any saliva touches either of the baby making parts prior to doing the deed.  I don’t even mean the people that are so addicted to pee sticks that they go through a lot of 25 tests in one cycle.  I am talking about the ladies that just make shit up.  I don’t care so much if a blogger says that she is an accountant when she is really a private school teacher.  I am also okay with fake names and even embellishing a story a little to make a simple baseline ultrasound a little more entertaining.

Where I do have a problem is when a women who was baking chicken breasts with a side of creamed corn according to facebook, tells you that they were hospitalized for a concussion after narrowly escaping a raging house fire by diving out of a 4 story building and rescuing 3 small children on their way down.  Then, when she is about to be discharged she learns that she is surprise pregnant (which is a little better than just regular pregnant because there is just so much shock and awe involved) complete with photos of pregnancy tests from someone else’s blog (the first photo on google images for test progression pics).  Then, after several weeks of “strict bed rest” which, according to facebook, involves cooking birthday dinners, celebratory drinks, and maybe a quick 5K on Sunday as part of a weight loss plan, she goes completely quiet.  The kind of quiet that is super silent.  So silent that it is screaming, “SOMEONE PLEASE ASK FOR AN UPDATE!”
It is bad news.  But it is okay.  She is already planning to rescue some adorable puppies who, with a little bit of extra puppy school, will deliver her quadruplets and serve as lactation consultants!

But seriously folks… these people are out there.  If you come across one and aren’t sure quite how to let them know that you know that they are completely full of shit, feel free to use this:
LiarLiar

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The Pee Stick-Up

Wooster, OH- A local drug store was robbed of over 300 dollars worth of home pregnancy tests.  Two women came running into the store yelling unintelligible words and letters, witnesses shared.  They absconded with most all of the available home pregnancy tests in the family planning aisle just after making a quick dash for dixie cups.

The typical morning crowd of shoppers picking up their blood pressure medicines and anti-inflammatory prescriptions were alarmed when these women, appearing to be in their thirties, upset their normal routine.  Irene, an elderly woman picking up her monthly supply of Miralax, joked that she isn’t going to need her dose today.  They young ladies were aggressively tossing box upon box of pregnancy test into a stylish 31 bag.  One witness shared that he couldn’t make most of what they were saying but that he was sure he heard the one woman say something about hurrying because they would miss the S. M. U.   Authorities are investigating what S. M. U. might be, but they suspect it could be a form of transportation.

Detectives were examining the crime scene most of the morning and were surprised to discover that while the thieves took enough pregnancy tests to test daily for several months, they left a few brands completely untouched.  Authorities cannot understand why the remaining tests were left, but another onlooker reported hearing the women complaining about the blue dye and some rap star that goes by the name of E. Vap.

Upon exiting the store security cameras were able to catch a shot of one of the women.  If you have any information that can help police identify these clearly deranged criminals, please comment below and they will be in touch.

Pinklineitus

Pinklineitus is highly unrecognized by the medical community, but it is a very common and serious condition affecting 1 in 3 women who are trying to conceive.

It’s most common when a woman is looking at a home pregnancy test and she is hoping to see a pink line indicating that she is pregnant.  When there is no test line visible, a woman with pinklineitus is able to see a line that is lightly pink in color and it will appear in the area that the positive line should be.

When women with this condition have been observed in clinical settings, they can be found staring at the non-existent line for long periods of time which reportedly make the condition worse.    They were also found pacing the room, searching for the right angle, the right light, and the right background to make the mysterious line appear, darker, more visible, or identifiable by her husband or online peer group.  Attempting to capturing these elusive lines in a photograph is also a frequently occurring behavior in these subjects.  These behaviors may continue upwards of 2 hours per pregnancy test.

If you ever come into contact with a person that you suspect of having pinklineitus, do not corner them, confront them, or tell them that it is all in their head.  To them, the line is real and to contradict them would be seen as a personal attack.  The best response to Pinklineitus sufferers is to calmly say, “I think I might see what you are talking about.” or “I look forward to something more definitive for you.” or if you are especially sensitive you could say, “I hope it gets darker!”

Over the years, many have suspected that Pinklineitus is a psychiatric illness, but as of late, Johns Hopkins University has published portions of their study on the topic.  One of these reports shared that if you take a closer look at the left eye of woman with Pinklineitus they have an undeniable, and very serious condition.

no line

This is an unaltered photograph of the eye of a sufferer of pinklineitus.

This is a state of the art cross section image of the eye of the same woman.  Using gama-technology you are able to see the reason she is so sure that there is a pink line.

This is a cross section image of the eye of the same woman. Using state of the art, gamma-ray technology you are able to see the reason she is so sure that there is a pink line.

At this point, there is no identified cure for this disease.  Though, reports indicate that the condition resolves itself, at least temporarily, once pregnancy is achieved.

Please do your part to spread awareness of this very serious condition.  If you are living with Pinklineitus, do not be ashamed anymore!  There are others out there suffering in silence.  Help them to know they are not alone by sharing this button anywhere affected people might hide.  

Pinklineitus